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Computer Humour Jokes in the Information Technology Industry.

Ultimate tip to remember your password.

Keep your password INCORRECT.

Now if you forget your password, just type your name, computer will immediately tell you “Your password is INCORRECT.

 

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ERP project delivery.

ERP Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women can deliver a baby in 1 month.
An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.
A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.
A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
A Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby.
 

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FUNNY FAQ TO JYOTI'S HELP DESK

DNS User: Hi, this is Rekha. I can't get my CD out.
DNS Help Desk: Have you tried pushing the Button?
DNS User: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
DNS Help Desk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
DNS User: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
 
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DNS Help Desk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
DNS User: Your left or my left?
 
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DNS Help Desk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male DNS User: Hello... I can't print.
DNS Help Desk: Would you click on "start" for me and...
DNS User: Listen yaar; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
 
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DNS User: Hi, good afternoon, this is Gita, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. 
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
 
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DNS User: I have problems printing in red...
DNS Help Desk: Do you have a color printer?
DNS User: Aaaah....................thank you.
 
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DNS Help Desk: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Female DNS User: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the mall.
 
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DNS User: My keyboard is not working anymore.
DNS Help Desk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
DNS User: No. I can't get behind the computer.
DNS Help Desk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back
DNS User:! OK
DNS Help Desk: Did the keyboard come with you?
DNS User: Yes
DNS Help Desk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
DNS User: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
 
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DNS Help Desk: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
DNS User: Is that 7 in capital letters?
 
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
DNS User: I can't get on the Internet.
DNS Help Desk: Are you sure you used the right password?
DNS User: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
DNS Help Desk: Can you tell me what the password was?
 
DNS User: Five stars.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
DNS Help Desk: What anti-virus program do you use?
DNS User: Netscape.
DNS Help Desk: That's not an anti-virus program.
DNS User: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
DNS User: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer,
 but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
DNS Help Desk: How may I help you?
DNS User: I'm writing my first e-mail.
DNS Help Desk: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
DNS User: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
 
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DNS Help Desk: "Okay Ramu, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. 
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.
 Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
DNS User: I don't have a P.
DNS Help Desk: On your keyboard, Ramu.
DNS User: What do you mean?
DNS Help Desk: "P"...on your keyboard, Ramu.
DNS User: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A woman DNS User called the help desk with a problem with her printer.
DNS Help Desk: Are you running it under Windows?
DNS User: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point.  
Shyam sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
 
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Never  marry  a Testing girl since she always doubts U.
Never 
 marry  a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.
Never 
 marry  a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.
Never 
 marry  a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.
Never 
 marry  a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.
Never 
 marry  a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.
Never 
 marry   a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.
Never 
 marry  a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.
Never 
 marry  a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.
Never 
 marry  a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.

HELP DESK HUMOR - Right click:

 

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer: "Ok."  

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"  

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TITANIC & WINDOWS

 

Bill Gates dies and goes to heaven, where Saint Peter gives him a smart two-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.  One day he is out walking when the bumps into a man wearing a fine, tailored suit.

 

“That’s really nice,” says Bill. “Where did you get it”?  “Actually,” says the man, “I was given 50 of these, plus two mansions, a yacht, a golf course and four Rolls Royces.”

“Wow, were you a priest or a doctor healing the sick?” asks Bill.  “No. I was the captain of the Titanic.”

 

Bill storms off to see Saint Peter. “How come the captain of a sunken ship gets all the while I, the inventor of the Windows operating system, get a crummy little house?” he asks.

 

“We use Windows too,” says Saint Peter. “And the Titanic only crashed once.”

 

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